Wide-awake

George, the middle aged, middle-class, middle height, middle everything man realized that he was sleeping up till now. He was living his life in a dream. A dream he thought true. And now as he thought it through he indeed agrees with himself upon many things. But he knows now that it is futile because it is all a lie. It is, not was because he will go on like nothing have happened. The most rational course of action.

She may have left, she could have stayed, she should have stayed. But she left. She was far too bright to realize that it is a mistake. George is in pain. Now, disillusioned, doubting she ever loved him he just lays and watches a point in the ceiling. That point defines him best. It cannot be seen by anyone else, but him. It is a point out of many. Just one point, a mere nothing which is a whole universe of flourishing dreams, feelings, sighs and touches. He vowed never to be with her again. Even if this meant crushing and crunching his soul to tiny shreds.

His foresight was very good indeed. She came back a month later. She realized that he was the one secure point in her life, that one point which ensured happiness. The only being able to touch her soul. And he said no. He said no and forbid her to commit suicide. Because he said so she did not do it. His world was turned upside down. He just threw away the only thing he truly desired. That he wanted. He wanted her with every cell of his being, but he vowed to say no. He sensed that he should not do that, but did it ever matter? No...it didn`t matter this time either. He just did it. And gone back to being a ruin. That was her punishment. To know that he is a ruin because of her. He knew very well that this is balance. That this is the cornerstone of the world, and that he helped the world go around. He also knew that their love would have lasted even if the axis of this world broke.

But the show must go on.

Szeretem hajadnak gyonyoru, lagy eseset,

S szemed gyonged,artatlan szenvedeset